Hidden Past
by Yami-Atemu
Summary: [Yuugi's POV]I know there's something in his past. Something dark. Dangerous and terribly sad. He calls me his partner, yet he refuses to share his pain with me. Does he believe my love to be too weak? I wish he would show me what he fears...
1. The Meaning of Partner

**A/N:** Welcome to my first fanfiction on I've always been reading great fanfics here and finally got some courage to write my own and post it. This IS my favorite pairing and will most likely be the only one I will focus on.

**Warnings:** A quick warning: this fic is about the love between two boys, so if you chose not to respect that, please press the back button and continue on your way.

**Disclaimer:** Yu-Gi-Oh is not my own creation. It's lovely artwork and story belong to Takahashi Kazuki.

**Hidden Past**

_Chapter One: The Meaning of Partner_

It's cold.

Abnormally cold.

I curl in the blanket Atemu had handed me before braving his way downstairs. There was no light, but Atemu being the person he is, found this to be no challenge.

After all, he was the one in the dark and cold depths of the Millennium Puzzle for 3000 years. If he can last that long and never utter a word of complaint about it, I can last until the electricity is restored.

True, he has never mentioned the dark world he had to endure. I have seen hints of it in some of the memories he shares with me. I treasure them like they were my own. He shares not many with me and even though I wish to know him better, he refuses. Perhaps it's for my own safety that he keeps them hidden, that he knows something I do not.

It's amazing. Since he has first been able to fully escape the Puzzle, I've learned that what I know about him doesn't even scratch the surface. It hurts to admit that. I've always thought that we were so close that we knew everything about it each other.

Before he left the Puzzle, I made a confession to him.

After, I told him I had understood the response he gave me, but I honestly did not. At least, I didn't at that time. I think I understand now because now I do realize how different we are.

I told him I had fallen in love with him.

He told me I had fallen in love with an image.

Maybe not those same words, but it had the same meaning. It hurt. It still hurts. Especially now that I see how true it is.

I shiver as I wrap my arms around myself, becoming colder with the memory of that day. I think it was then I started to notice all the differences between the two of us. I guess one could call it an enlightening experience. But most experiences I have had included pain, this one was no exception.

I think I have hidden my disappointment and hurt from him well; at least he had never mentioned it.

I wish… that I wouldn't have ever said anything. I know he thinks no less of me… I can feel he doesn't. But something did change that day, besides my moment of enlightenment. Something changed for the both of us.

And I cannot figure out what it was.

He grew more watchful and quieter, as if in deep contemplation. I know I became a bit more distant, but tried to remain close, knowing he meant no harm by what he said. It was hard; our bond was so strong.

That leads me to this night. I had learned about him. I had continued to keep the close friendship with him.

I still love him. Even though I know how different he is than from what I originally thought. I knew now he was not invincible. I knew that he had faults.

The question is: should I tell him now? What if… what if he still believes I do not know him? Will he send me away again? As much as I've endured it the first time, will I be able to endure it a second?

Or maybe I never really know him.

But I suppose that rests in his memories. The ones buried deep in his soul still.

And suppose he does accept my feelings as true, will he return them?

Fear is a powerful emotion. Perhaps we are both held back by it; his fear of his memories and my fear of never being loved in return by him.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Or perhaps my doubt and fear is a sign that we were never meant to be together. I feel the tears threaten to fall. I can't let them. If my emotions are on the inside, they are easy to hide, but I cannot hide the proof on the outside. He is good at reading emotions, but even better at seeing them.

A tear slips past my lashes and I quickly wipe it away, but not before another falls to take its place. Why this night? Why is it tonight I find it hard to control my feelings? I'm thinking too much about it.

_'Partner, are you all right?'_

I blink, opening my eyes, hearing his voice resounding in my head. _'I'm fine, other me. Just a bit scared.'_ Truth, but meant to be deceptive. He will think I'm afraid of being alone in the dark,

_'I just need to find the flashlights and I'll be right back up there.'_

I nod, knowing he would do as promised. _'All right, don't bump into anything down there.'_

_'I wo-'_

I hear a pause. _'Atemu?'_

_'I… just bumped my leg on the coffee table.'_

I couldn't help but laugh. _'I warned you.'_

_'That you did, partner. I'll be more careful now.'_

I hear the playfulness in his voice and smile. _'Good because I don't feel like bandaging you up in the little light we will have.'_

_'Ah! Found th-'_

I sighed and shook my head. _'Same table?'_

_'…Yes.'_

_'For someone who says they're accustomed to the dark, you sure don't act like it.'_ I hear another pause. This one deeper, almost a complete cut off. _'Atemu?'_

_'Just beside I am accustomed to the dark, it does not mean I like it nor can navigate in it.'_

His voice changed. I cross between hurt and anger. I recognized this tone, but this is the first time it had been directed at me. _'Sorry…'_ I cut off the bond quickly and efficiently. I hurt. I hurt so badly. How can I avoid certain topics if I do not know what they are? It can't be both ways. My tears start again, once again put in my place, but this time able to express my feelings without care. I hear footsteps approaching our room and I bury myself further into the soft blanket, covering my head.

Through the blanket, I see a light focus on me and I shut my eyes. "Partner?"

I don't answer, afraid of my voice. Afraid of what he would say. I feel the bed shift and the light turn off. I feel a tugging at the blanket and pull away. "Please, don't."

"I'm sorry for what I said. You wouldn't have known and I was wrong to talk to you like that."

"That's… not it… you don't understand…"

"Let me understand then."

"I cry… because I don't know… I didn't know… my comment would have that effect." I shake my head, wiping my eyes again. "And you won't let me know."

"My past is dark, there's no way other to describe it. I'm not proud of what I did." I feel another tug at the blanket, but this time I allow it to complete its action. "But… I will share it with you."

I look up at him in surprise. This is the first time he offered to let me see without my prying. I feel him wipe the remaining tears away and look directly into his eyes, making sure I hadn't been hearing things.

"But not tonight."

I sigh and look back down. Of course. So he would have time to prepare. So he would have time to decide what I should see and what I shouldn't. "Forget it…" I mumbled. "It's good the way it is now, other me. I will just have to realize where I stand with you now."

"What do you mean?"

I close my eyes and tighten my grip around the blanket, finding an unbelievable strength behind me now. "Meaning I know now that even as close as we are now, I'm not allowed to see you at your worst when you have seen me at mine. I realize that I will never be more than the one you saved from countless dangers. Even if that danger is yourself."

"That's not true."

I looked back up at him, eyes narrowed at his crimson eyes. "Isn't it? Isn't that the way it's always been? You've always had this barrier between us and I'm tired of trying to bring it down. I keep getting hurt in the process."

The room flashed with lightning. I was able to see the pained look contorting his face and I felt my breath hitch. It was unnatural. Had I judged his statement wrong? Had he wanted the time to prepare himself? "I wanted the time… to explain certain things to you. It was natural to jump to your first conclusion."

I look away, letting the grip go on the warm blanket. "Sorry…"

"It's all right. I deserved that. After all, it is what I've been doing so far."

"Atemu… before you say anything… I need to tell you something…" I close my eyes, drawing myself into a tighter ball. "Long ago, you told me that I loved the image I created of you; that I didn't know you at all. I admit it, I didn't. But since that moment, I had been seeing all these different things about you. Some physical, some mental. But to this day, I still love you. It has changed, but it's still there. I… know you will probably say I still do not know you, but…" I pause and open my eyes to meet his once again, the words becoming harder and harder to find. "I never asked then, but… did you love me as well? And do you still?"

I feel a finger trace my lips and his eyes stayed locked with mine. "Partner, I did love you and I still do." He moves away from me and I hear a sigh escape his lips. "After I show you, you may have other opinions."

I shake my head rapidly. "Never. I've always loved you, other me. Nothing will ever change that."

"So you say, partner. I feel as though I am betting our solid friendship on something so trivial. Love is always changing; breaking apart at certain areas, forming at others. And it's hard to tell the difference between love and lust."

I hear something in his voice. I've never heard it before. It was dark and deep. "Speaking from experience?"

"Yes." He cups my head in his hands. "I don't want what happened before to happen now."

I smile gently and put my hands on top of his. "Atemu… how about we talk all day tomorrow. I don't think current conditions make a good scene. The cold is uncomfortable for me and I'm sure it's pretty late." I look towards where the clock would be glowing red numbers to prove my statement.

"All right, partner." He leaned forwards and placed a kiss on my forehead. "Tomorrow then." He stands up and looks back at me. "I'll get some more blankets for us. Without the heater, it's going to be a cold night."

I smile and watch as his outline exits my room. I sigh and collapsed backwards on the bed. Finally I was going to get answers and maybe this time he will accept the love I have for him.

I feel happiness bubble in my chest at this opportunity. I knew there was nothing he could do nor say that would disprove my love. We had known each other for years; we've been through ups and downs without losing our faith with each other. When he became his own self, our bond had weakened, but this was the chance for at least our bond to repair. Or maybe to strengthen even more than it was before.

I was so enthralled with my thoughts that I hadn't noticed my other's return until he dropped another blanket over my head. I claw my way out from it and glare up at him. "Atemu!"

I hear his snicker and frown even more. "You looked so in thought and you weren't answering when I called your name."

I blush a bit and smiled. "You just gave me a lot of things to think about, other me." I move over to my side of the bed to allow him to get in under the covers as well. I feel him lie down next to me and bring me closer to him. "Atemu…"

"Shh… just… let me hold you tonight…"

Who was I to complain when I felt warm arms around me, calling out to me? I've never been held by him like this. There was a certain emotion that flickered through our souls as I was lying down to sleep.

I've always felt safe with him near; I've always felt happy and light hearted when he said my name. No… not my name. It was what he had called me since we both became aware of each other.

Partner.

One words and thanks to the complexity of my language, there are different meanings behind it. The word is made of two symbols, one meaning 'mutual' and the other meaning 'line.' That was the combination normally used with this word. But since I have discovered my feelings for him, my mind on its own had remembered past Japanese lessons, remembering sounds and all the different ideas that could be brought from them.

My mind always lingered on one in particular. The first character means 'love' and the second means 'a certain one.' I've never fully appreciated the intricacy of my language until my heart fluttered when my mind was figuring out this combination.

With tomorrow just a night of sleep away, I cannot bring myself to sleep. I tell myself the time will pass quicker then if I were awake.

"Partner?"

I smile at the word and open my eyes slightly. "I am unable to sleep. My mind keeps drifting in all directions. I can't help but feel excited."

I heard a deep chuckle that melts my heart and I feel his arms grasp tightly around me. "I wish I could have the same reasons as you do." I feel his head buried itself into my tresses, shaking slightly. "I fear it more than anything, other me. I fear I will lose you to my past."

"Atemu, I promise you, here and now, nothing can drive me from you. I'm attracted to you much as a moth is to a flame. I know it's dangerous, but I cannot help but want to be close." I sighed slightly and shift in his arms to look up at him gently. "If I get burned, at least my once forlorn life had been brightened by your warmth. And there is nothing I would give to change that."

One of his fingers comes up to trace my face. "I have done nothing but put you through more struggles than what life had already offered to give."

I shake my head softly, his hands dropping from my face. "You have done nothing but help me become who I've always dreamed of being. You gave me courage and a friendship so true, I was weary of it. I wasn't aware such a bond could exist. Please don't hate yourself for that."

I see his red eyes blink out as his lashes covered them. "Remember that… when I show you my past, Yuugi. If only you keep in your heart a small bit of that happiness you feel, maybe you won't turn away from me completely. Like yourself, I am drawn to you. The cold and darkness I have felt is washed away whenever you talk to me or look at me. It's addicting. It's like a baby's first breath of air; so sweet and pure that they continue to keep breathing."

I couldn't help but giggle a bit and place my hands on his chest. "Other me, this isn't like us. To speak in metaphors and riddles. We're hiding behind the simple truth; a truth that has kept us apart for so long. Tomorrow… show me your dark past, let me pass judgment before you pass it for me." I smiles softly and reach up to touch my lips to his. Once again, my urge to be near him great. I pull back before either of us could take it further. "And tomorrow will be a start of a new us."

He nods and pulls me close to him. "Now sleep, my partner."

"As long as you hold me, my one love."

_---To Be Continued…_

**A/N:** I'm going to try to stay way from using Japanese names (ie: aibou, mou hitori no boku, etc…), but I did decide to make the fact clear that they are communicating in Japanese and so pronunciations do have different meanings (which is where I got off on that tangent about the two meanings of "partner"). If any of you feel confused about that, just let me know and I'll try to explain it better in the following chapter. Thanks for reading and I've hoped you enjoyed this fic so far.

_---Yami-Atemu 11-23-04 23:39_


	2. A Past Long Forgotten

A/N: Welcome to the second chapter of three. I apologize for taking a lot of time to write this chapter, but I found myself stuck with an idea that I had no idea how to write. Odd? Tell me about it. But anyway, here is the second chapter.

Warnings: A quick warning: this fic is about the love between two boys, so if you chose not to respect that, please press the back button and continue on your way.

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not my own creation. It's lovely artwork and story belong to Takahashi Kazuki.

Hidden Past

_Chapter Two: A Past Long Forgotten_

I sigh as my eyes blink open, revealing the world to me once again. I look down and notice my other's head buried in my chest and I slightly wonder how our positions had changed over night. I smile anyways; glad to know he is still here. I let my fingers run through his hair, just enjoying the moment.

I guess a part of me wanted to prepare for the worst. Prepare for what he had predicted would happen. I look down at the form in my arms and feel my face fall into a frown. If he believes the worst would happen, who is to say it won't? What if these are the last moments I spend with him before he tells me his dark past?

No. That's why I have decided. I love him. Whatever happened to him or whatever he did in the past, is what lead him to me and made him the way he is. How can I possibly not love him because of who he is?

I felt a pair of eyes on me and immediately I looked down. I smile as our eyes meet again. "Good morning."

"Good morning, partner." I see him frown slightly and pull away from my chest to be at eye level with me. "Or will it be a good morning?"

I shake my head and close my eyes. "I've already told you. Whatever you did in the past will not affect my feelings. Whatever happened made you the person you are now."

"But how do you know I am the person you see?"

I open my eyes to look at him incredibly. "How… how can you say that? Do you think you could have managed to deceive me this whole time? I may have not seen your true heart, but I've seen pieces of it. I know this is who you are. I just don't know why you are who you are."

He rolled over on top of me, pinning my arms to the bed. I try not to look surprised. I try to remain calm as I look up into the burning eyes. "Then I will show you, other me. I will show you the truth about the monster you claim to love."

I feel myself go limp as he keeps his cold gaze on my eyes. I wonder what is happening to me as my world turns dark.

---

_I've had two experiences in my life, partner; two that have made me who I am. I will share one with you now. If you still wish to know more, I will show you the other._

_Don't hate me, other me. For as you watch my story unfold, I relive it once again. This is the sacrifice I make for you. The sacrifice I make for dreaming that you will still love me._

_If you see me for the monster I truly am, please, do not leave me. Do not forsake me forever. Just tell me you no longer desire me and that will be enough. Just… don't leave me. I know I do not deserve this request, but I fear this could be the last time you would listen to my words with an open heart._

_**Will it hurt you, other me? Will it hurt for you to relive your past?**_

_Yes. It hurts just thinking about it, partner. But I will endure it for you. I have no need for any other reason._

_And so… if this is the last time you ever hear my words in your heart: I love you, partner._

---

The sun set over the land of Egypt as the Pharaoh stood watching over his land. His warm eyes looked over the desert land. It wasn't much. It was brimming with life and festivities aplenty, but he himself had no life. He was the ruler. He was a god.

He was foolishly in love.

He had fallen for a woman of low upbringing, nonetheless. He had risked his life to sneak out to meet with her; for he knew the dangers that awaited him outside the palace walls. He tried to carry on as a normal man would.

And tonight was no different. He snuck out through a room on the ground floor. He could easily get by the guards. He sometimes wondered why such guards were hired if they could not see him pass by. He wondered how many assassins might have gotten past them just to be stopped by his personal guard.

They had met at the local tavern as usual, her smile always making his heart lift, no matter how saddened or frustrated he was any given day. He sat down next to her, keeping his voice low and soft. "How are you faring today?"

He heard her gentle laughter and laid her hand on top of his. "I am much better now that you are here." He looks up to her, a smile playing on his lips. "And how are you, milord?"

He shakes his head and moves his hand over to intertwine their fingers together. "I would be much better if you remembered what my name is, Kilah."

"Of course, but you are-"

He places two fingers of his other hand upon her lips, silencing her next words. "I am Atemu to you and to you only." He drops his hand to lie on top of their joined hands.

She looked down, her jet black hair falling into her eyes. "Forgive me… Atemu."

He laughs and stands up as the group of gypsies begins a new song. Holding out a tanned hand, she looked up at his face. "Treat me to a dance?"

She nodded, meeting his eyes and stood up, putting her calloused in his. Together they swirled and turned around other couples. The world around them meant nothing as the music slowed into a gentle rhythm that both their souls followed. He pulled her close to him, allowing their bodies to feel the heat of each other.

"Atemu… is this real? I feel as though Ra himself had come down and gave me the pleasure of meeting you."

He smiles at her words and bends down to brush his lips against Kilah's. "If this is a dream, I wish never to be awoken from it." He feels her head lay on his chest as they continued swaying. "I will find a way to marry you. I swear it on my life."

---

_**What is so bad about what you have done, other me? You have simply loved. I cannot blame you for that.**_

_That is not the end. I am nowhere near the end. I am merely pausing, it's hurting much more than I expected it to._

_**Don't let me force you. I don't want you to hurt anymore, other me.**_

_I need to show you. I _have_ to show you. It would be cruel if I did not. You deserve to know what has happened to me. You deserve to know what I have done. And so I will continue. I must._

---

"A-Are you sure, Atemu?"

The Pharaoh nods his head and smiles. "Do not worry. I have made sure no one has any reason to question why you are here."

Kilah closes her eyes and sighs in relief. Her dressing had changed. Instead of old hand-me-downs from her older sister, she was now adorned with the best garments that could be found. Her hair, instead of loosely falling down her back, was styled fashionably. "I'm glad. We can finally be together; just like we wanted to be."

Atemu merely nods once more and bows. "As much as I hate to leave, there is some important business I have to have an ear in. Please excuse me. I will return to our room as soon as I am able and you shan't be alone for long. Your sister is visiting today, remember?"

She nods, smiling her red painted lips and bows low, as a sign of respect. Her eyes watch him turn and head in the opposite direction toward the throne room.

---

_**Other me?**_

_I am sorry, partner. I will try to stop delaying._

_**Other me, please stop. I can feel your pain. Just as you do not want to cause me pain, I do not wish to cause you pain as well.**_

_My past is pain, partner. Through and through. You wish to know, I know you do. I am causing my own suffering this time. I allowed what happened, I chose to ignore it._

_**Other me…**_

---

Atemu sighed a long sigh, managing to escape quickly and unharmed from his high priests. He has other things on his mind. Or rather, a certain person on his mind. They had warned him today, them being the only ones who knew of Kilah's true identify, that she was up to know good. He acted reasonably, telling them he respected their claims and advice. He argued that he _knew_ Kilah and _knew_ she would never betray him.

He reached the end of the corridor where her room was. The door was slightly ajar and he listened for any sounds, wondering if she were in their with her sister.

"—proud of you!"

"I know! But mother could never dream that this would happen. She was always the one putting me down. But here I am, soon to be the Pharaoh's wife. Mother would turn in her grave if she knew." Kilah's voice pitched when nearing the end of her sentence, Atemu realizing the happiness he heard in Kilah's voice. But… something felt wrong.

"Father has sent his best wishes to you."

There was a pause and silence filled the room. Atemu was about to walk in. When Kilah's low, heated voice ran in his ears. "And I will need them. I have a plan, sister. One that will get you and father out of that mangy shack I called a home."

"What do you mean?"

"You do know what happens when the Pharaoh dies, do you not? His wife takes over as ruler and chooses a husband. If he were to die, I would be able to control the land. I would decide who lives and dies. I would be able to find a more suitable home for my family."

"Then do you not love him? I have seen the way of your eyes when you speak of him."

"No… I do not believe I have loved him. Lust, however is where my feelings truly lie. I will not lie to you, dear sister. He is handsome, smart and nice beyond all reason. But I can see, that in the end, he only cares for himself."

Red crept into the ruler's face as he heard the words flow from her mouth. It was just minutes ago that his priests had told him that this very thing would happen.

He was fooled. His own heart fooled him. He lowered his eyes, feeling the touch of cold sadness being washed away by hot anger and burning desire for revenge.

He would make her pay.

He would make her pay in the most appalling way.

---

_**You have been hurt, Atemu, but is that a reason why I wouldn't love you? You would have to be an emotionless soul not to feel what you did.**_

_True, my partner. But unlike so many, I acted upon it. I acted upon my rage, upon my hatred. I turned myself into a monster._

_And it was over this. Something that could have been so much easier solved. But I wanted her to suffer, partner. I wanted her to feel the pain of her heart being ripped out while still beating._

_I am a dark being, my little one. There are good reasons why I was sealed away. Reasons that I have never told a soul._

_**So, you had her killed, right? What she did was attempted murder, other me! In this era she would have gotten life behind bars, but since I know that in Ancient Egypt, punishments more harsh were accepted easier. Do you blame yourself for sentencing her to death? When she was thinking about being the cause of your own?**_

_You still do not understand. Yes, she did die by my command; by my very own hand. I _enjoyed_ it. I relished her screams, her pleas for mercy. I enjoyed watching her blood flow down my knife, down my arm and onto our bed._

_I was thrilled to kill her, partner. I was happy to she her last breath leave her lips. Tears trailing down her cheeks. I didn't care. I didn't care I had stolen someone's life._

_That I had stolen her innocence._

_This is what I have dreaded telling you, little one. And now I have. I feel your shock. I can feel how sick you feel at my actions. And I've only told you about them. And soon, those feelings coursing through your body will bottle up into fear. Fear for me, fear of me. Either way, I have lost you, partner._

_I have lost everything I wished so hard to retain._

_I do not blame you for this. You merely wished to know, and with so many secrets I keep, I could not blame you for wanting to know._

_You love me, but you fear me. And with that small word 'but,' everything before that does not matter. It does not matter how strong your feelings are for me. It doesn't matter that you have promised you would stand by me no matter what. It no longer matters that we have been through many years of hardships together, working side-by-side. What we have told each yesterday and this morning will never matter again._

_It doesn't matter anymore. Because it will all come down to the fact that you fear me._

_Do not try to hide it. I've always been able to see your emotions no matter how hard you've tried to hide or suppress them._

_And right now you fear being in my arms. You fear what I might do during one night._

_And most of all…_

_You fear my love._

_My love has always been cursed with unhappiness. With melancholy and deceit. This time, it is no different._

_I lost you._

_And it is my fault. It is my fault I seeked to not only kill her, but make her suffer until the end. I made sure she knew that she was going to die. I told her what I was going to do to her. And I did._

_I cannot be trusted with love, partner. Whether it's my love for someone or their love for me._

_I asked you before you had learned my past, if you would still let me stay with you no matter what you saw. But that was an unfair request. One made out of desperation. And you have no obligations to fulfill my wish. But I want to ask you again. Now that you know. Now that you know what kind of monster I am._

_Will you let me stay by you? Will you allow me to at least watch you, if never to talk to you again?_

---To Be Continued…

---Yami-Atemu 12-22-04 23:33


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